


you'll live on (again) as if nothing were wrong

by hongwon



Category: INFINITE (Band)
Genre: Gaslighting, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Pedophilia, Lee Howon | Hoya Being an Asshole, Manipulation, Non-Linear Narrative, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, [those tags have nothing to do w/ each other tho], gaslighting as a coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:51:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22167769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongwon/pseuds/hongwon
Summary: vivi ♡'s infinite@ifntluvri asked him if he remembered what he said to me, and he shook his head. "no," he said, smiling. "do you think you can remind me?"
Relationships: Jang Dongwoo/Lee Howon | Hoya
Comments: 3
Kudos: 2
Collections: BBBFest Debut Round: The Bittersweet Option





	you'll live on (again) as if nothing were wrong

**Author's Note:**

> this is a heavy fic, told mostly through stan twt + social media. sorry if any of these @s belong to you, i needed some and these popped into my head :////
> 
> also this takes place in an alternate universe where dongwoo's not part of infinite. and i wasn't sure what the rating should be, since there's just a _fuckload_ of implications, but i thought m would be a good one. just in case
> 
> additional warnings: implied violence (aftermath of a beating)
> 
> —
> 
> title from ashmute's _to_ and written for the [bleak boyband bingo fic fest](https://twitter.com/bbb_fest). my filled squares are the contradictory _openly despising your fans_ & _leaning into the pseudo-intimacy w/ fans_

> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
201017 — infinite fansign ; a thread
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
okay so i got in line and waited for my turn like everyone else and i think i was behind this one fansite. she had a camera so i just automatically assumed she was one, and i was so Excited bc !!!!! hoya !!!!!
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
i was going to see him!!!! right after this person lmao. and i went to their other fansign a few days ago in… yongsan, was it? idr exactly 😥😥😥 i rly hoped he remembered who i was 💕💕💕💕💕💕
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
anyways, he was busy talking to them but sometimes, i saw his eyes stray to me???? we made eye contact a few times i was this emoji the entire time 🥵 
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
WHY WAS HE STARING AT ME STOP I FELT LIKE I WAS GONNA DIE
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
and then he smiled, while the person in front of me was… doing something and i screamed. but like. on the inside hh idk if he was doing it to them or me but 🥺 his smile 🥺 
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
it was so cute bc his eyes went kinda closed and his canines were visible so i was The Softest Stan Alive :(((( and then he laughed!!!!!! he laughed!!!!!! and i think i actually started crying!!!!!!!!! i almost dropped my album
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
and like!!!!!! when they were done, i was so busy wiping my eyes that i didn’t even hear him calling my name. he knew my name i—
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
HE KNEW MY NAME  
HE KNEW MY NAME
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
and then i cried even More when i got to the seat and he took the album from me and i couldn’t even say anything through my tears and he was just looking at me w/ the most endearing look i’ve ever seen him have hh GOD  

> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
( clear the searches hoya best boy hoya the most wonderful man in existence :((((((( )
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
i asked him if he remembered me and he said that he did. like, literally, i was the only person he met during the last fansign who cried in front of him. “and now you’re doing it again.” it sounded like he was teasing me, kinda ?
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
but i didn’t mind one bit ngl. i asked him if he remembered what he said to me, and he shook his head. "no," he said, smiling. "do you think you can remind me?"
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
so i told him that he said that everything was going to be okay and i should really stop crying, then he gave me a tissue from out of nowhere. hoya the Sweetest Person :( and all he did while i was saying this was like.
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
stare at me w/ the same look on his face again :(((((((((((( someone hold me :(((((((((((((
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
hh i think i was so emotional that i might’ve forgotten that i was at a fansign for a reason. but he signed my album and checked off a box on the post-it note and did what was written on it. (context is that i asked him if he would hold my hand, yes or no)
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
and he held my hand for a few seconds before interlocking our fingers <3
> 
> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
ofc i cried again

—

> **liv** @lNFlNlTEONLY  
i swear something really weird happened at the fansign today?
> 
> **liv** @lNFlNlTEONLY  
maybe i was just imagining it ://////
> 
> **watch little women (2019)** @filmtwitters  
replying to @lNFlNlTEONLY  
👀
> 
> **liv** @lNFlNlTEONLY  
replying to @filmtwitters  
i’ll dm you. i really don’t want the [redacted] on my case if i say it publicly. this is going to bother me for days i can Feel It
> 
> **heather(s)** @heathersfiIm  
replying to @filmtwitters and @lNFlNlTEONLY  
can you dm me too?
> 
> **liv** @lNFlNlTEONLY  
replying to @filmtwitters and @heathersfiim  
sure. just open your dms

—

“sometimes, i envy you,” hoya confesses as he and sunggyu stand on the freezing balcony. both of them are completely underdressed for how cold it is. he takes a drag from the cigarette in-between his fingers. “at least your hate’s expected.”

sunggyu shoots the other a confused look, clearly not understand whatever’s coming out of hoya’s mouth. “what the fuck?” he asks.

“like…” he hesitates on elaborating, wary about what’s he going to say next. “like… you get to say stuff like ‘oh, i don’t want to marry you’ whenever fans ask and everyone’s okay with it. shit, they love it. sometimes, i just want to pull that same move just to see what’ll happen.” he sighs, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “there was this one fan and she was—“ he cuts himself off, looking down at the ground as he shakes his head. “i just— i just wanted to—“ he stops, blowing out the smoke he’s been holding in. “i think she forgot to shower or something.”

sunggyu nods like he understands hoya’s dilemma, even if he doesn’t. not one bit. at least he has the privilege to not mask his feelings toward the fans. “what did you want to do?”

he doesn’t answer sunggyu’s question, and ash drops from his cigarette onto the concrete below them. 

(he doesn’t say what he really thought about doing during the fansign: curl his lip up in visible disgust, back away from the table, and leave the venue altogether.)

—

a sik-k song plays in the background of a club, hoya’s surrounded by people and lights and music. the video’s blurry, but anyone can recognize his dancing style, all sharp angles that land perfectly on the beat and difficult-looking footwork that no one tends to pay attention to. he’s saying things over the music, loud complaints about the idol life while his speech is slurred. the syllables can’t be made out at times, it’s obvious to anyone with eyes that he’s drunk off his ass.

hoya stares at the footage like doing so might will it away, he’s always been embarrassed watching himself in anything, regardless of what it is. but there’s also this sick sense of satisfaction in him at the fact that he got away with this. 

something like pride shines in his eyes as the video loops once it ends. he can only somewhat remember what he complained about, the events leading up to why he decided to go into the club in the first place, flashes of _i hate being an idol _and _i hate the fans they’re fucking horrible_ and _i want to leave so fucking bad but it’s not like i can until..._

one of his friends filmed this, sent it to his phone with nothing more than a winky-face emoticon after it.

—

so what happened during the fansign?  
**heather(s)**

yeah, what happened?  
**watch little women (2019)**

you have to promise that you won’t tell anyone abt this, okay? 

yeah, i won’t  
**watch little women (2019)**

i won’t either  
**heather(s)**

promise? 

yeah  
**watch little women (2019)**

yeah  
**heather(s)**

okay, so basically: i was w/ hoya for my fansign slot right. and i was like behind this girl. she… whew, let’s just say that she might’ve skipped a few uh. baths or smth. anyways, when she came up to hoya, i saw his face fucking /twitch/ as soon as she sat down 

but it was so fast i felt like i imagined it. and when she left, i don’t remember what happened between them, honestly. but i heard him say smth when she left. in english, nonetheless 

okay? what does that have to do w/ anything?  
**heather(s)**

i’m getting to it. just fucking wait 

he said smth like “fuck, she smelled fucking horrible.” 

oh shit?  
**heather(s)**

what the fuck

...would it be fucked up if i translate that into korean? ppl like. need to know abt this shit  
**watch little women (2019)**

i literally told you to not tell anyone and you’re gonna tell everyone on k-inspirit twt???? 

dude, /that’s/ fucked up 

but yea that’s what happened. idk if it’s real or not bc now that i’m at my hotel, it… it doesn’t feel like it happened in front of me, yknow? 

yea i get it. sorry for asking. it was just my first instinct bc that’s like So Fucked Up. like it’s fine if he says that in private but to say it in public? in english? that’s… fuck  
**watch little women (2019)**

—

would it be fucked up if i just left the group  
hoya

excuse me

like. would it be fucked up if i left the group  
hoya

...how high are you right now

i’m not. i’m just asking a simple question

just between you and me, i really want to  
lee howon

are you, like, okay

—

over breakfast, woohyun eats his usual bowl of cereal. mostly because he can’t be half-assed to make anything more difficult right now. his entire body still aches from the practice they went through yesterday. how the choreographer had asked them to do that one particular turn over and over until it was ingrained into their muscle memory. 

he rubs at his shoulder as phantom pain flares up. he tripped on his own two feet during it, landing onto the floor of the practice room with a deafening thud. 

thankfully, it was just a bruise. but it still hurt like a bitch.

hoya comes in from the kitchen, holding an identical bowl filled with food. and he settles next to woohyun, starts eating beside him in silence. it's a comfortable one that woohyun doesn't feel the need to break and fill with conversation. but.

but there's something bothering him ever since he fell asleep a few hours ago. he just isn't sure how to bring it up properly.

he takes a nervous glance at hoya before deciding _fuck it, might as well do it now_. “why did you say that you wanted to leave the group?” woohyun doesn’t even try to mask the hurt in his voice at the thought of hoya leaving.

“when did i say that?” hoya asks, spooning a bit of cereal into his mouth. the tv’s not on for background noise so the only noise in the room is the loud _crunch_ as hoya chews. chews. the audible gulp of him swallowing.

“last night,” woohyun points out, reaching for his phone to check the kakaotalk messages. they talked for a few minutes at around… two in the morning, if he remembers correctly. “look.” and he pulls their conversation up.

“i did? i just have this.” hoya does the same as woohyun, showing what his end of the conversation looks like. just a brief one about the upcoming album and taking bets on what the concept can be. “are you sure you’re not thinking about someone else?”

woohyun glances down at the kakaotalk window, still open to their messages. he squints at the texts, unsure on why they all seemed to have disappeared. 

maybe he was just misremembering it. might’ve been someone else entirely.

“we were all really tired yesterday,” hoya says, adjusting the bowl in his lap.

“yeah,” woohyun says. “i think i was just—“ he stops himself from continuing. “yeah.”

—

> **infinite trans** @ifntrans  
[TRANS] 200831 fansign  
op: hoya oppa, did you say this? [shows a screenshot of a tweet]  
💜: … [he’s quiet as he reads said tweet, eyebrows furrowing ever-so-slightly]  
op: people everywhere are saying that you did  
💜: like who?  
op: people online. you haven’t seen it?  
💜: i haven’t. 
> 
> **infinite trans** @ifntrans  
💜: it’s weird, though. i don’t remember saying this. is the poster /really/ sure i said it?  
op: [nods] they said they were 100% sure  
💜: [ducks head down and whispers to himself, as soft as he can go]  
op: hm?
> 
> **infinite trans** @ifntrans  
💜: i didn’t say it, that’s all. they’re lying. definitely lying

—

hoya lets out a sigh when he shifts in his seat, uncomfortable from sitting in the same place for what feels like hours. maybe it’s been hours and he’s gotten too used to this: shuttled back and forth for fansigns and fan meetings and everything in-between. 

he just plasters on his best smile and takes a deep breath, ready to face the fans once again.

conversations are short as the manager ushers them over to the exit, but hoya still manages a few memorable ones.

one sticks out to him in particular, and he finds himself talking about her when all of infinite has piled into the van. the car starts just as hoya begins talking, briefly drowning him out. it’s easier when they’re on the road, squished up in-between myungsoo and sungyeol.

“the one that gave me the shiba plushie,” he says. “she asked me to be her boyfriend.”

one of them snorts. “doesn’t everyone do that?”

“yeah,” he admits. “it felt different, though. like usually i mean what i say, _of course_, but this time…” he takes a brief glance at sunggyu, sleeping in the front seat like he usually does. he doesn’t say anything else, just lets out another sigh like he’s lovesick.

the stuffed shiba inu is on his lap, staring up at him, the only thing he requested from staff to bring with him after today.

he thinks he should name it something. “should i?” he asks no one in particular, grinning when he realizes how ambiguous his question sounded.

“should you what?”

“name the shibe,” he says.

—

> **lo(lita)** @ot6ies  
…did i just hear hoya say what i Think he said… http://twitter.com/0328_hy/status…
> 
> _an_ @howonss  
replying to @ot6ies  
#hoyaisoverparty
> 
> **lo(lita)** @ot6ies  
replying to @howonss  
fbskfbskfbskfbejfsbna SHUT THE FUCK UP

—

> **watch little women (2019)** @filmtwitters  
#hoyaisoverparty exposing one (1) lee howon !!!!!!!  
show this thread

—

> _vivi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
hh i don’t like this name anymore :((((((
> 
> _jangmi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
there! much better!!!! i hope hoya likes the shibe i’m gonna give him <3

—

> **infinite trans** @ifntrans  
[TRANS]  
💜: hi, [op’s name]! did you miss me?  
op: [looks down, slightly flustered] i really did, but…  
💜: is something wrong?  
op: how do you know my name?  
💜: you mentioned it to me during the last fansign. don’t you remember?  
op: hm, i don’t think i do
> 
> **infinite trans** @ifntrans  
💜: you did. you really did. maybe you’ve just been to too many that they’re all starting to blur  
op: [laughs, a grin on their face] yeah, maybe that’s why

—

> _jangmi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
hh i don’t think those rumors are true :( we should just wait until wlm says smth abt them :///
> 
> _jangmi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
he said at the last fansign they weren’t though. why is everyone doubting him?
> 
> _jangmi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
i think i’m gonna mute the hashtag going around. i can’t imagine what hoya’s thinking when/if he sees it :(((((((

—

“she’s come to nearly every single fansign this month.” he holds the shiba close to his chest, options for names start going through his head as he continues going on about her. something japanese, maybe? as an homage to the shiba’s origins and all that. “i still think i should. no, i will.”

his voice takes on a bit of confidence as a smile breaks out on his face. “yeah, i will.”

“if you’re thinking about doing what i think you’re going to do,” a voice rings out, and he nearly falls off his bed from the shock of it. sungjong leans against the doorframe of their shared room. “need i remind you that she’s fourteen?”

“need i remind you that i don’t care. and it’s not like i’m gonna actually pursue her and shit. that’s… creepy, even for me.” there’s an edge to his voice that he doesn’t acknowledge. he even crosses his heart —and fingers behind his back, but what sungjong doesn’t know won’t hurt him. “promise.”

“...you’re not pulling one of your fucked-up mind games, are you?”

“i would never do that to you guys.”

—

it’s an easy thing to do at fansigns, slather the affection on as thick as he can get it when people start getting the tiniest bit suspicious.

it’s easy to change the subject, done with a quick shake of the head and a perfectly-timed glance at the manager behind him, like he doesn’t know if he can. the fans know idols have to defer to their managers, so they look at him with sympathy in their eyes. say they won’t ask about it if it makes him uncomfortable.

“no, it’s okay. it’s okay!” he says, tone sounding haste. “might as well address the rumors, right?” he hums. “i’ll do it later on vlive. today’s been a pretty messy day, so i feel like everyone would benefit from clearing things up.” he reaches over and grabs their hands, squeezes once. twice. all with an easy-looking smile on his face.

they nod, sometimes in a daze from the sudden and unprompted skinship. good, he says as he lets go of their hands. or holds on tighter as he deliberately ignores the incredulous looks of the rest of the members and staff.

—

> noa @leeshowonss  
#hoyaisoverparty p sure he once asked how old @ifntluvr is and Oh Boy The Stench ?????
> 
> _jangmi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
replying to @leeshowonss  
he didn’t tho ? well, not in that context anyways. pls don’t mention me in these things, they make me sad :(
> 
> noa @leeshowonss  
replying to @ifntluvr  
...how are you /that/ far up his ass
> 
> _jangmi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
replying to @leeshowonss  
i’m not :( stop :(((((((((

—

> _jangmi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
i mentioned something about taking exams when i go back to the us, since i’m only staying in korea for a month or two, and he asked how old i was since, yknow, exams and stuff. i said fourteen.
> 
> _jangmi ♡’s infinite_ @ifntluvr  
he just smiled at me when i said it. that’s all that happened!!!!!!!  
2 more replies

—

> **infinite trans** @ifntrans  
[TRANS] “i just wanted to address the elephant in the room. i haven’t and will never say stuff like that about my fans. i love all of them dearly, and the people who are making these rumors up are wrong. and probably should be prosecuted for libel.”
> 
> **infinite trans** @ifntrans  
source: http://www.vlive.tv/video/285749
> 
> _mar_ @hhowonns  
replying to @ifntrans  
this is why i never liked him tbh…
> 
> ariel @ksgnwhs  
replying to @ifntrans and @hhowonns  
isn’t that kinda weird coming from someone w/ hy in their @
> 
> _mar_ @hhowonns  
replying to @ifntrans and @ksgnwhs  
i have this @ ironically!!!!!
> 
> **infinite trans** @ifntrans  
replying to @hhowons and @ksgnwhs  
can you untag us from this convo?

—

> _jangmi ♡’s hoya_ @hoyaluvr  
:((( wlm pls do smth :(((((
> 
> _jangmi ♡’s hoya_ @hoyaluvr  
anyways, i didn’t make a thread abt last week’s fansign!! i’ll just do that rn to distract myself ;;

—

hoya twists open a bottle of water and gulps it down, a relieved sigh leaves his lips as soon as he starts drinking. god, he’s tired. god, he needs a nap, and a long one at that.

ha, that rhymed. 

and he’s so busy drinking that he doesn’t notice the way one of the others stands up from where they’re lying on the floor, sweat making their hair stick to their forehead. they get into his space, blocking out the light shining down on him. he frowns at them. “what are you doing?”

they crouch so they’re at his eye-level. oh, it’s sungyeol, phone in hand as he looks down at it. and all he does is flip it over to show hoya the screen.

it’s someone’s twitter timeline, filled with fancams and a hashtag attached to all of them. the videos are distracting, playing automatically when he reaches out and starts scrolling through it for a minute. 

huh. 

“what did you do?” sungyeol asks, taking the phone back from him when hoya eventually stops going through the hashtag. okay, okay. 

_okay._

“i didn’t do anything. i swear, i didn’t.”

“that’s not what they say.” he’s obviously referring to the people still filling up the hashtag.

“i didn’t. i— i really didn’t.” he puts his water bottle down. everything feels so heavy right now. “_fuck_.”

—

> **lo(lita)** @ot6ies  
okay, now i Really Think hoya did something rly fucked up bc it’s there in the vid, but idk if it actually happened or not ://///
> 
> _an_ @howonss  
replying to @ot6ies  
what is it?
> 
> **lo(lita)** @ot6ies  
replying to @howonss  
okay so it’s in my lrt. at 0:32, op was behind *y*uvr and hy checked her out. fucking Creep!!!!
> 
> _an_ @howonss  
replying to @ot6ies  
okay 1) how do know that was them in the first place and 2) it’s not there???? the vid i mean
> 
> **lo(lita)** @ot6ies  
replying to @howonss  
FUCK  
[image of @19910328’s now-locked twitter]
> 
> **lo(lita)** @ot6ies  
replying to @ot6ies and @howonss  
and bc she posts selfies all the fucking time ? and posted a picture of the venue?????? so. Take That As You Will™

—

> **liv** @lNFlNlTEONLY  
ten likes and i’ll @ hy abt the rumors lmao
> 
> **liv** @lNFlNlTEONLY  
thank you <3  
[image of the original tweet, now with 10 likes]
> 
> **liv** @lNFlNlTEONLY  
@leehowon when are you going to acknowledge the rumors going around abt you being an asshole + a fucking creep to fans lmao
> 
> **liv** @lNFlNlTEONLY  
replying to @lNFlNlTEONLY and @leehowon  
Coward™ 

—

hey so. [redacted] did That  
sungyeol

do what?

i’m out of the loop constantly

if any of you make old jokes right now, i stg i won’t hesitate to kill you in your sleep

lmao shut the fuck up  
woohyun

now’s not the time to be cryptic what Did He Do  
myungsoo

i was sitting next to him during the fansign today and… oh boy! :)))))))))))  
sungyeol

just fucking say it??????

fuck you  
sungyeol

lee sungyeol…

okay, i’ll say it! basically, i was sitting next to him and yknow how we were like really close to each other since we kinda… underestimated how big the table was supposed to be  
sungyeol

yeah? go on?  
woohyun

so i kinda peered over at what he was doing bc like. no one was coming up to me and fuck. just.

/fuck/  
sungyeol

did he like say something to one of the fans?  
woohyun

uh, even worse

oh wait, i’m gonna eat something rn, i’ll uh !! tell you later!!!  
sungyeol

??????????

—

there’s a plate of brownies beside him, and _yes_, woohyun knows he has to stick to his diet. but also: he deserves some indulgence. let him be.

as he picks one up, popping it into his mouth with a content sigh, something catches his attention. a loud _clatter_ as something tumbles to the ground. at first, he doesn’t think too much of it. something must’ve fallen in the other room, and he settles into his place on the couch. thinks about watching a movie when he’s finished with these, since today’s a rare, but very welcome, off day.

the _clatter_ happens again, one that’s followed by something hitting the closed door. it’s coming from hoya’s room, and woohyun’s curiosity is piqued. he puts the brownie down and gets to his feet, still chewing on the piece in his mouth. 

his knuckles barely tap on the wood of the door, and he asks “are you okay, hoya?”

something is thrown at the door, and woohyun puts a hand on the knob, half-torn between actually forcing his way inside the other’s room (scared as all shit that hoya’s possibly hurting himself in there) and leaving hoya to do… whatever it is that he’s doing. after all, woohyun’s jumping to conclusions. because there’s _no way_ hoya’s actually—

he picks the first one, despite all of his instincts screaming at him to _absolutely not_ do that. he turns the knob, pulling the door open just as a pillow is hurled at him.

“are you okay?” woohyun asks again, barely ducking to avoid getting hit.

hoya doesn’t even seem to acknowledge woohyun. or the mess around him as he practically tears his room apart. sheets and blankets and pillows stripped off the bunk bed, open notebooks scattered on the floor, torn paper surrounding everything else.

it looks like a hurricane hit in here, and hoya stands in the middle of it all. runs his hands through his hair as he grips onto the strands and yanks on them out of frustration. “fuck. _fuck_.” he pulls at his hair again, wincing in pain like he’s trying to punish himself for something. “fuck!” he lets go and starts walking around the room, still unaware of woohyun.

“are you looking for something?” woohyun prods, tentative since hoya’s _obviously_ angry because of… something.

he lifts up an upturned coffee mug. the grip he has makes woohyun go tense for a minute, tight enough to turn his knuckles white like it’s taking all of his energy to not throw it.

hoya goes back to looking around, placing said mug back onto his desk like nothing happened. “i can’t find my shiba,” he says, frowning.

“did you check everywhere?” hoya nods at the question. “then it’ll turn up somewhere. don’t worry about it.” woohyun considers walking up to the other and giving him a bit of comfort, a pat on the shoulder or maybe a hug if hoya’s okay with it. he doesn't _quite_ understand why hoya's so attached to it, but maybe it would be rude to ask.

“i think…” hoya starts, “i think someone stole it.”

woohyun stifles a laugh at the accusation, hiding it behind his hand when hoya glares at him. “what makes you say that?”

“just my gut feeling. and the fact that i can’t find it here. hence…” he trails off, gesturing to the mess around himself.

“yeah. anyways.” woohyun takes a glance at the still-open door. “do you want some brownies? i made too many.” hoya opens his mouth to say something, but woohyun beats him to it. “no, they’re not weed ones.”

hoya’s face falls in disappointment.

—

okay, i’m back

also i think we’re out of those frozen dumplings  
sungyeol

what is it?  
woohyun

we’ve all been on edge since you left  
myungsoo

wait, where’s sunggyu?  
sungyeol

he fell asleep. i can hear his snoring from here  
woohyun

okay, then

cool

basically, you know how fans sometimes like regularly go to the fansigns and stuff. uh, i think he

i think he

wait shit hold on i’m kinda  
sungyeol

...are you okay? should i go over there?  
woohyun

no, i’m fine. it’s just that

huh

i don’t remember if it actually happened or not. i’m doubting myself for some reason ://

anyways, i think he definitely. uh.  
sungyeol

take your time  
woohyun

yeah  
myungsoo

LOUD SIGH

i’m pretty sure he touched her  
sungyeol

like a hand hold or something worse?  
woohyun

worse. definitely worse  
sungyeol

GROSS??????  
woohyun

yeah, i know

like i saw his hand go under the table cloth and you know how it wasn't transparent this time bc of /someone's/ love of manspreading  
sungyeol

shut the fuck up????  
woohyun

pretty sure he touched her leg or something

so yeah, that's what happened. i think. idk ://

wait shit also: p sure he gave her his number too????? altho that happened uh..... months ago so like.

who the fuck knows anymore lmao  
sungyeol

—

“can you _please_ stop using the fact that your parents beat your ass as an excuse to treat everyone like shit?” sunggyu asks, while simultaneously using a wet cloth to dab at the blood still dripping off from a gash in myungsoo’s temple. myungsoo can’t help but flinch at the sting of soap touching the wound, glancing hoya with something like equal parts fear and confusion in his eyes.

hoya stands on the other side of the room, looking down at his own bruised knuckles. he thinks he can taste blood, metallic and rusty, from where myungsoo punched him. he wonders if his nose is broken yet. “but i’m not?” why would sunggyu even accuse him of that? 

“you are,” sunggyu says.

“you know what they did to me. you know what i had to do just to get away with shit.” 

“yeah, we all know. you won’t stop fucking talking about it whenever you’re high!” sunggyu shouts, blood boiling underneath his skin. he lets out a sigh, anger won’t get him anywhere. “that still doesn’t make _this_”—referring to what he stumbled on in myungsoo’s room, needing a clean shirt—”okay. how… how did this start, anyways?”

the entire room goes quiet, and hoya decides to occupy himself with staring at the shibe still on the floor. he should take his phone out right now, tweet something. “myungsoo stole my shibe,” hoya says. “and when i asked him, he said that he didn’t and started punching me out of nowhere.”

“are you lying right now?” hoya shakes his head at the question. that’s what actually happened, just ask myungsoo about it. 

sunggyu tears his gaze away from hoya and faces myungsoo, pressing the cloth down _just_ a bit harder. to staunch the blood. god, why is there _so much_ of it? “is it true?”

myungsoo nods. “yeah, it is. i stole the shiba from his room. it looked soft, that’s all.” his voice cracks a little, and sunggyu doesn’t call him out on it.

—

> _jangmi ♡’s hoya_ @hoyaluvr  
okay so!!! the fansign <3333333333 i didn’t bring an album this time bc i had gifts for everyone instead!!!!!!!! hh nothing much tho. flower crowns and a shibe for hoya
> 
> _jangmi ♡’s hoya_ @hoyaluvr  
it looked like this!!!! thank god i found it in little tokyo back home :DDDDD  
[image of a gold and white stuffed shiba, one with a blue and white neckerchief around its neck]
> 
> _jangmi ♡’s hoya_ @hoyaluvr  
i gave flowercrowns to all of them and they wore them :(((( woohyun looked the cutest in the blue one :((((((( (don’t tell hy i said that !)
> 
> _jangmi ♡’s hoya_ @hoyaluvr  
he called me by my old name tho. when it was my turn. it was fine, i corrected him and he gave me That Look again when he apologized and said my new one was rly pretty i 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
> 
> _jangmi ♡’s hoya_ @hoyaluvr  
and my hands were a little damp when i gave him the shibe hhhhh??? idk why tho >:( he didn’t seem to notice tho
> 
> _jangmi ♡’s hoya_ @hoyaluvr  
i still had a few more post-its w/ questions on them even tho i… kinda forgot my album at home hh. so i just. took the stack out and handed it to him. asked him to check stuff off and give answers (but only if he wanted to!!!)
> 
> _jangmi ♡’s hoya_ @hoyaluvr  
and he did!!!!!!!!!!! the third and fourth ones i’m <3333333333333333333  
[four images of the post-its. each one has a question, followed by a few options written on it.
> 
> the first one: _do you like the shibe yes/no_. _yes_ is circled. and another question below it: _what are you gonna name it?_ he doesn’t know. maybe he’ll ask on twitter…
> 
> the second one: _i hoped you like the flower crowns!!!! purple for you because… i mean, it’s obvious._ it’s followed by a few hand-drawn hearts.
> 
> the third one: _jangmi or vivi?_ both names are crossed out and _both_ is written below it. 
> 
> the fourth one: _can you be my boyfriend? yes/no_. _yes_ is circled multiple times. there’s a black sticker below the circles, making what was written there hidden from view.]


End file.
